I realized this past weekend I really suck at talking about feelings, and expressing them and only when I am in a vulnerable state of mind does it even show or do I even become in touch with them. Like I have them but I don't express them. That's definitely something I need to work on, and I have been trying for so long, yet I don't know what keeps the block still. It's dumb and annoying because the people that mean the most to me don't always see that and I don't mean to do that to them. They know, but I forget people like to hear it too. It's not even selfish it makes sense to me, but still. Last night showed me that, granted I was not sober haha butttt hey I guess shit like that happens for a reason so that you grow a little and despite the hot mess you may your feelings are 100% there and shown, granted I wish it would have been different. Anyways, last night was a lot of fun but also an eye opener and I guess a stepping stone. SO I will take it as is and learn from it.

Why is long distance so hard?!

To all you people out there in a long distance relationship, kudos! You are the few and the brave to do such a thing, and all I know is that the person better mean a whole hell of a lot to you, cause otherwise it's probably not worth it. I have been doing this for a little while now, and let's just say for my relationship it's been bumpy, it's been a lot of breaks and then finally figuring it out or so I think. Distance is an evil thing, it brings out all the little flaws in each person that you didn't realize to light, it brings out all the little relationship issues out, it brings out the insecurity, it brings out the nutty, it brings out the emotional, the angry, and the lonely, but most of all in the midst of the evil it brings out how much 'Love" you can have for one single person. In a cliche way "absence makes the heart grow fonder" holds true. For me it's made me realize a lot of bad, but as well A LOT of good BUT regardless of that and the fact that I do love the boy, it's rough. It's hard for me to not be insecure about stupid petty things especially other new girls that encounter my boys life because I don't know them, and well i'm a girl I get a little nuts on who they are and the fact they get to see him more than I do kills me.  The thing is, I was never that girl who has such issues, I always was so okay with everything, and this one boy has my entire heart, i'm so scared of losing him that I get insecure about other girl, NOT OKAY but I guess it's a girl thing? Or so i'm told. SO I guess it comes down to truly trusting the other person to be honest with you, to keep your trust, to stay faithful, to hope the person they were before you were apart is still there, and most of all stay strong. Strong enough to wait patiently until you see your significant other again, strong enough to hold true to yourself and your relationship. I think it takes a strong and brave person to whole heartedly dedicate yourself to someone who you only see every so often and to trust them with all that entails in a relationship. For me it's hard, but i'm working on it. So my questions to those of you who do the distance, advice, tips, what do you think?! Most of all though, I give you all a high five, I feel your sympathy and I bless you for doing it and wish the best for you all!

-S.

Boys

As any other girl out there, I have tried to wrap my mind around boys. Like they say we are complicated and we say they are complicated and I think in reality we both are very simple it's just how we handle things. So, I have been in a relationship for I guess you could say almost a year? I don't really know we weren't particularly official for awhile there, but it's been awhile that we've been "together" quote unquote. So that's my thing here, relationships no matter the good or bad are complicated. I sometimes drive myself mad because I just don't want to lose the boy i'm with. He's put me through situations in which could have been better. Let's just say distance is rough, it's evil, and I hate it, but he's worth it to me, at least I really damn hope so. I like to think that even though some of us say guys are assholes, pigs, whatever.... I mean granted some are, not all are. & as I was saying... I like to think that if someone you choose to commit to and be with keep that promise to you and if that weren't the case they wouldn't be with you. Yet as a girl, some of us have this insecurity, or doubt, or paranoia, or we overt hink and overanalyze and create problems for ourselves. I have learned that all of that is stupid, and i'm just as guilty I have gone through it all and sometimes still catch myself doing those things. BUT it makes girls crazy, which is why so many have bad reps and relationships fail. I have come to realize lately that I need to stop being like that even, that I need to start having faith that I am good enough for a guy, and that not every guy out there will screw me over or two time me like guys in my past. I think that's the biggest problem, comparison. Comparison of yourself to other women, comparison of the boy you are talking to, to the last boy (who happened to be a douche or whatever). We get it in our heads that if one guy did that to us another probably will do the same, or they might, and we lose our confidence and that's just not okay. All girls deserve to feel like they're worthy, and I wish that guys could realize that the bad seeds out there have made a lot of girls insecure, it's sad actually because nobody understands that. It's hard as it is to trust another human being, but when it comes to emotions and telling people how you feel and trusting them with your heart.. it's a scary thing and it's far from easy. So to all the girls out there have confidence in yourself and trust your gut, I think that's the most truth telling of all is your gut over your mind, let's be real our minds make us nutty.

My world

My world. Let's see, i'm a 21 year old girl trying to survive her twenty-somethings. I am at an awkward point of my life where half my friends graduated, meanwhile i'm doing a fifth year of college. I'm beginning to enter the "grown up" stage where I need to figure my shit out and that scares me because I have no idea what i'm doing and financially I can't be on my own whatsoever, but I do not want to ever have to move back home. It's a dilemma.  My world is what you would call comfortable, I have established a great group of friends, found a boy I really love, made something of myself (or so I like to think), and well i'm just living my life. It's all really weird actually, like i'm at that point in my life where I need to begin my path. Honestly though who wants to grow up entirely? College is fun, the real world is not. I am terrified what happens after this year. I like to think I have it all figured out but there's moments in this little world of mine that I lose track of everything and realize i'm so far from done with what this life has in store for me. So this blog is just me, whatever I write about is an outlet. I hope whomever comes across this enjoys it.